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Cheesy Fall's Fire
Fighters have their priorities and the Federal Government isn't among
them. Though an arsonist struck the 1RS office building in the Village
early Saturday morning the local Fire Fighters didn't allow that to
deter them from continuing to fill the local ice rink.
When asked if putting
out the nearby fire wasn't more important than filling the ice rink.
Fire Fighter Sydney Piker replied "Are You Kidding, we're here for
the children! Look at the faces of these kids, they wait all year
for this event and we don't intend to disappoint them. I'm sure if we
went over to tend that fire the media would be all over us for
disregarding the needs of the children." Besides property values in
the Village have been tanking ever since they built that building,
letting it burn is sure to reverse that trend."
Media
blames Conservative Talk Radio For 1RS Arsonist, Locals Praise Mike Wolf
While the National
Media blames conservative talk radio hosts for encouraging the arsonist
whom set the 1RS office building a blaze Saturday morning, local
residents have different ideas. They're planning a tribute to Model
Railroad entrepreneur Mike Wolf, who is being credited for doing more
than any other person in the Country to turn the trend of a plunging
real estate market in the Village of Cheesy Falls. Though no evidence
supports the belief, the citizens of Cheesy Falls think Mr. Wolf is the
man behind a T@x Revolt movement which they say was the inspiration
that triggered the arsonist to act.
Since the 1RS stated
it had no plans to reoccupy the property Saturday afternoon the
Village's Chamber of Commerce and local real estate offices have been
bombarded with calls from small businesses and individuals asking about
availability of vacant properties.
Immediately after the
arson fire, the 1RS announced it had no plans to rebuild the structure
and instead were looking to relocate to the former Dewey, Cheatum &
Howe building in the nearby town of Apathetic. 1RS Officials say the
town is perfect place for their operations as the residents all
share a philosophy they like to see in their clients. The move is
expected to be quick and efficient because there is no need for
modifications to the new location. Even the existing signage is suitable
for their operations, which is expected to save Tax Payers 2.3
Trillion Dollars.
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